Parentonomics by Joshua Gans

Author:Joshua Gans
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
ISBN: 9780262012782
Publisher: The MIT Press
Published: 2009-11-15T04:30:00+00:00

One thing that interests me about times like this—and this has happened every time the children’s mother goes away—is the reaction of others. Put simply, most people treat me as if she has suddenly passed away. I get lots of:

‘‘Oh I heard about that, how are you coping?’’ in a tone that suggests that the funeral was yesterday.

‘‘Do the kids understand what has happened?’’ Yes, their Mommy has gone to a better place; a spa resort!

‘‘What are you doing for food?’’ Well at the moment I have dangled the two-year-old outside as bait to see if we can catch something; it’s what their mother would have wanted.

And so on. Fortunately, I expected her imminent resurrection—something that apparently surprised everyone.

When I have to go away (always for work, by the way, and never for fun), my spouse doesn’t get that same reaction. It’s more like: ‘‘Oh that bastard, he’s abandoned you and the children for fun and games.’’ Basically, it’s as if I had walked out and left everyone to fend for themselves. Then she gets lots of: ‘‘You’ll be better off without him anyway’’ and ‘‘It’s not like he really did anything useful.’’ She gets the sympathy reserved for the deliberately abandoned as opposed to the tragically taken away in their prime that I receive. Anger versus sorrow. It is unclear if either is helpful.

When it comes down to it, the appropriate reaction is: ‘‘Oh dear, there goes the division of labor.’’ I’d like to think that that would have been Adam Smith’s reaction to these things. The problem is that tasks have to be done, and there is no time for any emotion. It simply means that most tasks take a little more time. Then again, there is time freed up from dealing with each other, so it’s not all bad.

Only the tasks and routine activities that really require both of us are an issue. Driving children around to various activities is the main thing. If two things occur at the same time, you’re in trouble. If they occur during someone’s sleep time, you’re in trouble. If they occur too late in the day, you’re in trouble. If they occur during school pickup time, you’re in trouble. If they require memory (we had a tooth loss that week and a tooth fairy that needed to remember to come), you are most likely in trouble. You just need two or more adults for certain things.

So I missed her very much; I really could have used the extra pair of hands.

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